No-one Could Work With That Idiot!

Some people clearly present more of a challenge than others in the workplace.

There are those who can get along with absolutely anyone, yet others only get along with a few.

What makes the difference, and why?


When you look around at the variety of people you know, either professionally or privately, something strikes you, (I hope).

The ones that you like most are the ones that you choose to be associated with; the ones who's friendships are important to you. There are many more who are considered mere aquaintences, but there'll be a few who really, and I mean really get up your nose. Most times that doesn't matter; but it becomes a real issue if it's someone at work who it is vital that you get along with.

You don't need to live together, just work together.


Where do you draw the line; how important a relationship are you prepared to forgo because it doesn't suit you? What if it impacts on your income or chances of promotion?

Clearly I don't have the image of this person in my mind that you may be frowning at, I don't know the first thing about them, I don't need to; they're everywhere. I'm referring to the really irritating people who don't share your interests, politics, sense of humour or even their coffee when you've run out!

Obviously if the individual you're picturing, physically and mentally abuses you and keeps turning up at your house with that kind of Jack Nicholson look in his eyes, this post will be less use to you than perhaps you'd hoped!

Who Has The Problem?

It might be that this person is viewed exactly the same by everyone in the organisation; maybe no-one can work with them; but it's unlikely. The chances are that others share your views to a point but they wouldn't dream of compromising such an important relationship; that's not why they go to work.

After reading the next line you may instinctively want to stop and find something less challenging; that would be a shame. Ask yourself the question; who has the problem; is it them, or is it you? My take is as follows:

If, when you consider all the things that you dislike about this person it generates a swell of negative emotions so compelling that you can feel them, then clearly you have the problem.

If on the other hand you just find it hard to get on with them and admit that you probably don't communicate or contribute in the same way that you would if you liked them; then obviously you still have the problem.

It's your problem for one or more of the following reasons:

• This is a vitally important working relationship that you are not managing.
• Other people don't share your views to the extent you do. They may tell you differently.
• You're showing that others are better equipped for the complexities of the workplace than you are.
• It's unlikely that this is the only person you can't work with.
• If you are at board level, this relationship is talked about far wider than you'd like to imagine.
• Other people don't have these issues, why should you?

Sorry; I've been a little hard on you, but it's not going to get any easier!

I'd like you to consider two things;

One:
List of a few of the things this person does, or doesn't do that cause you upset.
Not too many, just the major ones, the ones that happen time after time. Either write them down or make a clear mental note. If no one ticks you off to any noticeable extent then you are excused.

These are some recent examples.

• He just talks all the bloody time, meetings last for ever.
• He shows blatant favouritism but because of his position no-one challenges it.
• She always puts her own department first, never considers other areas of the business.
• He bears grudges, always bringing up things that I got wrong in the past.
• His office smells like a hamster's cage.
• You'd think she owned the place the way she swans around.
• Keeps making and breaking promises.

When you bring these examples to mind, notice how they make you feel. Notice what other thoughts they provoke. Spend a moment before continuing . . please.

Two:
Now take a step back and look at the relationship in question and try to ignore all the irritating and negative aspects we've discussed. Instead identify what you actually need from that relationship that you are not getting now.

How could this person make the working relationship more congenial and effective? What would they have to do differently to meet your needs?

Then imagine they were asked the same question of their relationship with you; what needs might they have that you aren't meeting? What could you do to make their time at work more enjoyable and effective?

We all want the power to change other people's behavior but in close or working relationships, that comes at a price. It's a price we can all afford, but a price only a few are prepared to pay.

Why should anyone change their behaviour if you're not prepared to change yours?


When someone proactively displays a new, helpful or positive behaviour that seems a little out of character,  what do we do? Usually two things; firstly we notice the impact it has and quietly appreciate it; secondly we wait for normal service to be resumed. We test their sincerity and that is a very easy test to fail, particularly at work.

Thankfully it's an impossible test to fake.