Helpful Letters

These can be used as a catalyst to signal your intent to another party that you are going to work to resolve things. 

But be warned; you need to do some soul searching first. Once sent, the spotlight is on you, and you alone. 

These are going to be read many times; they must be professional and brief.

To a senior colleague:

Dear 

I understand that there are often clashes and difficulties when we’re required to work together, and I’m aware that I don’t always react in a way that helps. We both have our views on why and I respect your opinion, even if I don’t always agree with it.

I think the fact that we’re not getting along is having a negative impact on those around us and it’s probably making us less effective.

For my part I want to make a conscious effort to improve my contribution to our working relationship. There’s a better than average chance that I’ll get it wrong from time to time, but I’ve resolved to stick at it.

I understand that you will see this as a bit out of character, and I would have to agree, but it’s how I feel and my mind is made up.

Here’s to a more effective working relationship.

Respectfully



A few things to remain mindful of:

• Before even writing the letter, set some personal standards for your behaviour that you can commit to keeping. Test yourself first.
• Only send the letter if you have convinced yourself you are able to see it through and that you can handle the rejection.
• Don't refer to specific incidents or problems in the letter.

You might consider:

• Not entering into or condoning talking about them behind their back.
• Not bringing up the past or judging them by it.
• Not saying anything negative about them.
• Adopting a positive frame of mind for any meetings you share.
• Pressing pause before you respond, taking care to act in accordance with these standards and your bigger plan.
• That most of your efforts will fall on stony ground. 
• That your sincerity will be tested repeatedly; expect that often, it will ease if you're sincere..

• The letter is purely to signal your intentions, don't put anything in there for the other person to do.
• You have to be proactive and a bit humble, even if you (and others) think the you're not to blame.
• Remember that you can't talk your way out of situations you behaved your way into.
• Your not backing down, you're taking the moral high ground, but for God's sake don't say that!

To the Boss

Dear

I would appreciate the chance to sit and discuss a few things in private which I know are troubling you.

Clearly I've had difficulties around a few issues and these have impacted on my performance. I've thought long and hard about what's been said recently and I can see how some of my reactions have contributed to the current state of affairs.

I'm aware that ultimately I'm judged on how I perform so I'd like to present a few thoughts on how I can get that back on track. I've resolved to turn this situation around and would very much value your thoughts on my proposals.

Respectfully

A few things to remain mindful of:

• You're not the boss, remember that.
• Don't refer to specific incidents or problems in the letter.
• The letter is to create a well spirited meeting where you do all the presenting.
• You have to be proactive and humble, even if you (and others) think the boss is more to blame.
• Go through your targets, recent criticisms or appraisal feedback in detail. 
• If the boss says HR should be present then you're probably in more trouble than you thought.
• Try to have it in private but if your boss is seen as difficult; HR could be a useful resource.
• Identify the main areas you need to improve on and seek agreement. 
• Show how the difference in your future behaviour will be measurable.
• Forget the silver tongue; you can't talk your way out of situations you behaved your way into.
• Give some thought to what you need the boss to do, or indeed stop doing that would help you in your efforts, but hold them in reserve until late. When (and only when) the spirit is good might you then suggest them.
• Consider lines like: "I'm glad you see merit in what I'm doing here but I'm aware that I reacted badly to a few comments in the past. Could I explain how I saw those incidents because I didn't communicate very well at the time why I was so upset? It's important to me that you understand."

Be careful

See Remote Controlled Relationships.